Editor’s Note: The aim of this article is to talk to non-binary and gender-fluid/variant/flux/etc. people. If you don’t define in that way or are unsure please look to the resources here, here and here.
Lately, I’ve been having a lot of feelings concerning gender-fluidity, people’s understanding of gender, and gender in general. The past few months I’ve found myself around new people, new people and faces that are all as committed to activism as I am.
I’ve found myself having many conversations with people committed to fighting injustice, but lacking in the tools to understand gender or use pronouns correctly. It has been a phenomenal experience watching people grow in their understanding, and watching my own understanding grow from having to adjust my explanations.
Through the questions of others, be it on how to refer to their transgender friends, questions on their own genders, or questions about the gender binary; I’ve come to see an explanation of my own gender-fluidity manifest.
This explanation helps me have a grip on something that’s constantly changing, and I call it Being On the Horizon.
When asked on how to describe my gender, the term gender-fluid usually seems like a good fit. It helps me to put a label on something that’s relatively hard to label, as I know I constantly second guess myself when it comes to the validity of my experiences and feelings. Sometimes however, just saying that I flow between different genders all the time isn’t enough to help someone understand, which is where my idea of the horizon comes in.
As an aside, this is by no means definitive, this is just my way of potentially helping people paint an image of themselves that may foster growth when it comes to understanding gender. Even if this helps only one person, I’ll be happy that my experiences helped another person understand their self better.
I’ve found that through the conversations I’ve had with others, using the imagery of the horizon and the line that seems to go on forever helps them understand gender-fluidity more. There’s already so much beauty in watching the sun go over the horizon, watching the line form where the sky and the earth meet.
This same type of beauty is how I see not only my gender, but the infinite and varied experience of gender itself. No one person experiences it the same way, even if people believe gender itself to be something so rigid as “boy” and “girl” and nothing else. Even within that constricted binary, there’s still so much variation and room to understand and explore gender. But we’re past that here, we’re aiming for the infinite of our understanding of gender.
For me, the horizon is everything I’ve been and everything I will ever be when it comes to gender. Every second, every minute, I’m never quite the same as I was before; you could liken my gender-fluidity to flowing like rapids.
I place all those former and futures me on and around the line of this horizon, at any given point I’m all of them and I’m singularly myself in that moment.
I understand that my gender is something that I will never be able to fully grasp or explain, so I choose to grasp the fact that it’s not explainable. I am giving form to this formless concept, and allowing that form to continue to go on and constantly evolve. I am On the Horizon and I’m content with existing like this.